


As the First Blush of Dawn Paints the Sky

by SkyLeaf



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Forgiveness, Guilt, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyLeaf/pseuds/SkyLeaf
Summary: The sun had set, but as Catra woke up, once again tearing herself away from a nightmare, the moonlight still illuminated the room to a point where it felt like the only thing she could see was the scars that ran across Adora’s back as she lay there next to her.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	As the First Blush of Dawn Paints the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> So, I love this show and these characters, so of course I had to write something about Catra post redemption and the feelings she must have about the fact that she used to be the enemy of those around her.

It began, as it so often seemed to be the case lately, with a nightmare.

Memories whirling through her mind at a rate that left her unable to determine the point between reality and her own fears, Catra already felt like she had only just left a battle behind as she opened her eyes to find herself staring directly up at the vaulted ceiling that defined most of the rooms in Bright Moon. In her sleep, she must have twisted and turned as much as her nightmares had seemed to indicate, for the fabric of the blanket constrained her movement, for a moment making her breath catch as she fought against the fabric holding her arms at her side. It gave in to her despair, the sound of threads being torn and a gash being formed in the fabric as she managed to get out her hand to use her claws for support filling the room alongside her heavy breathing.

It was dark, but even the night in Bright Moon was brighter than anything she had ever experienced within the Fright Zone, the combined glow of the moons entering the room to illuminate her surroundings.

Catra caught herself wishing that it had not been the case. If she had been left in darkness, if they had still been sleeping in Adora’s bunk back with the Horde, lying in a windowless room next to rows of trashing and turning cadets, she would at least have opened her eyes to see only the faintest outline of her surroundings. Now, however, she could see exactly how Adora had turned in her sleep, her hair having been pushed over one shoulder, the light of the moons bathing her in a glow that was tinted purple by the thin curtains, allowing Catra to take in the long lines that ran down her back. Starting at a point directly over her shoulder blades, the gashes had once continued down all the way to the small of her back, deep and painful. All that was left of them now were thin lines, the slightly pinker colour of them being all that revealed how they had once been deep wounds, having left blood on Catra’s claws as She-Ra’s scream had filled the air.

It was the wind brushing past the trees outside. Rationally, Catra knew that, but as she looked down at her hands and saw where the claws were still protruding from her fingertips, saw the sharp edges and how they had been able to cut herself free from the temporary restraints of her blanket the moment she had thought that she had sensed danger, she could still hear the scream echo in her head, the pitch shifting ever so slightly, becoming higher as the person in front of her changed, growing smaller as Catra no longer looked at She-Ra, the fabled warrior who seemed capable of surviving everything and everyone Catra sent her way, but rather Adora, small and limp as she searched for a heartbeat, head lolling to the side as the world shook around them.

She could have reached out. It would have taken a moment, and then Catra would have been able to confirm that all was well, listen to the steady rhythm of her pulse as see how the tiny smile would bloom on her face as Adora opened her eyes to look over at her. However, for as much as she could already see how it would happen, Catra also knew what would happen next, how the smile would fade away and the sparkle in Adora’s eyes would dim to instead make way for concern, her eyebrows rising in a silent question before she had even opened her mouth. It was what had happened far too often already, Catra waking up with a scream she did not know the origin of echoing in her ears, Adora pushing against the mattress below them to force herself up into a sitting position, placing a hand on her shoulder as she mumbled words of encouragement to her.

Casting another glance down at Adora, Catra saw how she turned in her sleep, her hand coming up to rest against the side of her face, pushing her hair to the side. It was a small motion, but it was still enough to reveal the scar that ran up her cheek, almost reaching from her jaw to her cheekbone, more than enough for Catra to make her decision.

Slipping out of bed, she was careful to let go of the blanket without a word, to not give in to the temptation of bringing it along as a gust of wind filled the room from through the open doors leading out onto the balcony. The floor was cold beneath her feet, but although Glimmer had insisted on having her shoes brought to her room every time she would try to leave them on a mission, hoping that no one would notice, Catra only spared them a glance before reaching out to push open the door.

It did not make a sound. Unlike what had been the case back in the Fright Zone, unlike all the times she and Adora had had to stifle a giggle, hands pressed against their chest as their hearts beat so loudly that that alone should have been enough to give them away after a door creaked, everything within Bright Moon was soft and quiet, with beds that felt like they were able to swallow a person whole as the mattress gave way underneath them, allowing them to sink into it, little touches to try to calm her whenever Catra could feel the claws become sharper, the years of being prepared to make the decision between fighting and fleeing at every moment once again rising to the surface, a hand on her shoulder as Adora would walk up to her, or Adora reaching out to brush her hair out of her face while looking at her, the soft pillows beneath their heads feeling like clouds. There was no harshness to be found in Bright Moon, and that, Catra was thankful for, as it gave her the ability to leave the room without Adora waking up.

She found herself outside in one of the many corridors that connected the different parts of the castle, the tall walls decorated with colours that appeared dull in the pale light of Etheria’s moons. Once, she had made the mistake of asking Bow whom the pictures were meant to depict, failing to realise that Glimmer was still within earshot. From the way her shoulders had formed a tense line and Bow had rubbed the back of his neck before saying that now was probably not the time to explain that, Catra had known not to ask again. Besides, it was not like she would have needed anyone to confirm her suspicion as to the identity of the woman looking down at her from where she had been painted onto the wall, the canvas framed by a golden border, after that.

Walking away from where he could feel Angella’s gaze on her, Catra knew that she was fighting a losing battle as she tried her best not to think about what would happen next. In just a moment, Adora was bound to wake up, that much was certain. If there was one thing Catra had learnt during the last couple of weeks, it was that not even Bright Moon had been able to take away Adora’s ability to always know when she had left her side to go roam around the corridors; whether they were in the Fright Zone or in Bright Moon, she would notice her disappearance.

Perhaps it was the result of still not being entirely sure about the layout of the castle, but even though Catra knew that she had to think about what to do next, she struggled to finish any thought, instead wandering through the halls without purpose, running her hand over the wall at her side as she passed by one statue after another, the names Glimmer had mentioned while showing her around all blurring together to leave her without a tangible idea about just who they had been.

Maybe she should have left. It was without a doubt what she would have done back then; found a balcony and abseiled the walls to disappear into the night. But for as much as Catra wanted to tell herself that the only reason she did not do that was that she had nowhere else to go, that her pride would have prevented her from returning to where Scorpia and Perfuma were working to restore Scorpia’s kingdom, as she found herself in front of a familiar door, she knew better than to even begin to follow that line of thought.

Adora’s room.

Looking at the door in front of her, Catra could still remember the way Glimmer had said it, the slight tug at the corners of her mouth as her tone had gone up, letting her know that they were both aware of the fact that Adora had not spent a single night in there since they had returned from the very core of Etheria, instead having stayed at Catra’s side in the room she had been given within moments of the four of them returning to Bright Moon.

No one had even raised their voice to object to the idea as Glimmer and Bow had gestured towards her during the first meeting following the battle, saying that she would be given a room in the east wing of the castle, just as no one had voiced the thought that she had been their enemy only days before. Instead, Adora had reached out to take her hand underneath the table, giving it a little squeeze as Glimmer adjourned the meeting. Not even in the days that followed had anyone made any indication of remembering the years of war between Etheria and the Horde, something Catra at first tried to explain to herself with the fact that Adora had hardly left her side for more than a couple of minutes during the first few days after the battle, hardly giving anyone the chance to use her absence to finally confront Catra, but soon, she had come to realise that the confrontation would never occur. Granted, she had seen the way people’s gaze rested on her for a moment longer than it did on the others the last time they had gone out to one of the nearby villages to help with the restoration, but even then, a frown still felt like too little when compared to what had happened, what she had done.

Just as the door to her own room had not made any noise when she had pushed it open, Catra was able to enter Adora’s room without causing any sound, the door closing behind her rather than falling shut the way it would have done back in the Fright Zone, leaving Catra to try to take in her surroundings.

It was beautiful. That was the first thing she was able to think about it, looking at all the soft tones, the pink and the purple, the bed that looked even softer than her own, the only sound to break through the silence being the gentle flow of the waterfall to her right. It was beautiful and for some reason, that was what made it become all too much for her, Catra sprinting through the room with her heart feeling like it was trying to escape from her chest, throwing open the windows to let the cold night air fill the room around her, allowing the icy chill to ground her as she gasped for air, feeling like she had been seconds away from drowning only to finally be thrown a plank to cling onto.

Catra felt how her claws dug into the windowsill, but even then, she could not bring herself to care, all emotions for it beginning and ending with the feeling of guilt rising in her stomach as she thought about Glimmer. Instead, she pulled herself up from the ground, her feet dangling in the air for a fraction of a second as she looked out of the window, taking in the way the ground below looked like it was several hundred metres away. It was not the case, not really. Catra had had the exact window pointed out to her by Adora during one of their outings; she knew that she could only be about twenty metres above the ground, but even then, it did not take away from the feeling of floating in the air as she swung her legs up, propping herself up against the window frame, feet resting against the sill as she looked out at where Bright Moon lay as a patchwork of light and colours below her.

She could not tell how long she had been sitting there for when the door was pushed open again, the soft echo of footfalls being all that alerted her to the fact that she was not alone anymore, nor was she interested in figuring it out. Instead, she simply pulled her legs closer to her, slinging her arms around herself as Adora sat down next to her on the windowsill.

For a moment, Catra could see how Adora was debating reaching out towards her, and although she knew that she should have disappeared already, that she had just lost her chance of leaving her alone at last, she could not help but wish that she would do it, that Adora would try to close the distance to place her hand on her knee.

However, even though it felt like Adora should have been able to read the wish on her face, the seconds passed, slow and silent, the only thing to help Catra mark the passage of time being the sound of her own heartbeat, as Adora let her hand fall back to rest against her side. She was not frowning, but Catra had not grown up beside her to not be able to read her emotions well enough to spot the little line at the corner of her mouth or the way her gaze flickered from her and out to where one of the moons was still hanging above the mountains in the distance, marking the way to Salineas.

Adora could be stubborn, capable of looking at a goal with so much determination that the people around her would immediately back away. However, that was not all Catra could see in her eyes now, the focus giving way to something else entirely, but it was what she forced herself to see. Stubbornness was easy to match, a simple matter of clenching her jaw and refusing to be the first of them to budge, and so, that was exactly what she did, keeping herself carefully still as she waited for Adora’s reaction.

It came only a few minutes later, filling the silence around them in the form of a little sigh that did not sound nearly as exasperated as Adora had every reason to be, just as it did not come with any sense of victory for Catra. Instead, she felt the guilt curl up in her stomach as Adora once again made it seem like she was a moment away from trying to reach out for her before letting go of the urge for good, instead settling for simply looking at her.

“I take it that you had another nightmare.” Adora said the word slowly, keeping her voice calm and even, but Catra could still hear everything that was waiting right behind the façade.

She only had to think for a moment to know better than to consider sharing just what had happened with her, Catra shrugging lightly in response. “You could say that.”

Tilting her head to the side, the light from the moon outside painted shadows over Adora’s face, the contrast only serving to further underline the scar on her cheek, and for a moment, Catra saw how the world disappeared around her, allowing nothing but the memory to fill her mind, blood and pain whirling around them as she was once again brought back to the moment of adrenaline flowing through her veins, a laugh being torn from her throat as she honestly believed that she was about to win. Now, after having fought by both Adora’s and She-Ra’s side, she knew that it could have ended badly for her, that the only reason she had ever been able to think that she might have won that battle by virtue of nothing but her own abilities was that Adora had held back, but even then, she could still recall the sensation and the thrill of what she had thought of as a victory. Maybe that was what frightened her the most, the fact that she could sit there, only a few centimetres of space to separate her from Adora and still remember the joy of having seen her in pain. It had been months ago, that was what Catra knew Adora would say if she were to tell her the truth about her nightmare, saying the word like it was meant to assure her that everything was fine. It was months ago, like it had happened in an entirely different life and not just a few weeks ago.

“Is it something you want to talk about?”

Opening her mouth, Catra was a moment away from telling her that, no, having to relive the worst things she had ever done, a portal springing to life, blood dripping from her claws, was not exactly something she wanted to talk about, but she could not bring herself to say it. Instead, she lowered her head, not quite denying it, but also not doing anything to signal that she wanted to continue the conversation that lay ahead.

If growing up in the Fright Zone had taught her one thing, however, it was that Adora was not that easy to deter, so, truly, it should not have come as a surprise to Catra when, rather than turning around and letting her know that, once she was ready, Catra was more than welcome to come back to bed, Adora stayed at her side, her hand finally coming to rest on Catra’s knee as she leant in towards her.

“You are safe.” Adora whispered the words, a lilt to her voice that made it sound like she was honestly unsure about whether or not Catra knew that. “You are safe here, Catra. Shadow Weaver, she—” her breath hitched, a small sound, but still loud against the silence of the night, “she can’t hurt you anymore.”

Despite having tried her best not to give in to the urge to look over at Adora and see the concern in her eyes, that was exactly what Catra did as Adora let the sentence trail off. A second later, she regretted it.

Every word was sincere. It was what Catra should have known she would see, the way Adora’s eyes shone as she leant forwards ever so slightly, acting like it would help Catra allow herself to believe what she was saying, and still, Catra found herself taken aback by the fact that Adora honestly believed that that was what had brought her to flee to Adora’s old room, the fear that, somehow, Shadow Weaver might return. If there was one thing Catra was entirely sure of, it was that Shadow Weaver was dead and gone, having left no chance of survival for herself the moment she made the decision to go out in an inferno of fire. In Bright Moon, there was no reason to fear for her own safety, not with all the times Bow had shown her the little passages and corridors that were hidden away behind paintings, tapestries, and paintings, having been built to allow the residents to leave the castle in a hurry, or with how the general had made sure to shake her hand while introducing herself as Juliet, looking down at her with the tiniest smile, a gesture she had not been able to return.

Adora was still worried about her safety just as she still had her hand resting against her knee as Catra shook her head.

“That is not what I am worried about.”

“Then what is it? Catra, please, talk to me; I can’t help you if I don’t know what is wrong.”

Already, Catra could feel the familiar sensation of tightness in her chest. Once, it would have resulted in an outburst, her shoving Adora’s hand aside, catching her wrist to snarl that she did not need her to protect her before fleeing the room and possibly Bright Moon as well. Now, however, as Catra closed her eyes and conjured up the image of Melog, envisioning how they would join her, the fur turning red before once again becoming blue as Catra let out a deep breath, she felt it abate, instead allowing her to look down at her hands where the claws were still forming a razor-sharp edge despite her attempts at trying to keep it from happening. Her eyes were burning, but, somehow, she still found the strength needed to force back the tears as she looked back up to meet Adora’s gaze. “But then what about you? How do you know that you are safe?”

For a moment, the confusion flickered across Adora’s face, but then she looked down, and Catra could see how she connected the dots between the claws, the nightmare, and now this, the two of them sitting in the window of her old room. In a way, it should have made her feel even worse to have Adora look over at her with the knowledge that she knew just what she was referring to to contrast with the sight of the scar on her cheek, but then again, Catra supposed that she had already reached a point where she struggled to imagine it becoming worse than what it already was.

“Catra…” Adora whispered the name, and although she should have known better, all Catra could focus on was the fact that, rather than moving away from her, Adora only tightened her hold on her knee, slowly moving a few centimetres closer to her. “I know that I am safe here.”

It was such an Adora-like way of handling it, brushing aside the fact that they both had to know that that was blatantly not true, and, perhaps, if things had only been different, Catra would have been able to chuckle at it before asking her how she had been able to fool the Princess Alliance into thinking that she was good at judging people’s character for so long, but now, all Catra could do was to pull her shoulders up towards her ears, pushing herself against the window in a vain attempt at counteracting Adora coming closer to her.

She had thought that she would be able to remain quiet, to not give Adora a single word to use in the attempt at convincing her that she had done nothing wrong that would undoubtedly follow her confession, but as the seconds passed with only the sound of her heartbeat and the little noise that tore its way up from Adora’s throat to leave a gash in the silence, Catra found that the words seemed to push against the resolve, before finally coming to fill the air between them.

“No you don’t,” Catra said, having to fight to keep the tears from allowing her voice to break, hearing the strain in her monotonous tone of voice, “you really don’t know that, Adora. I—you and I, we both know that that is not true. I almost destroyed the world, almost destroyed every last person living on this planet. You can’t deny that I did that, and yet, you still try to convince me that I am not a danger to everyone around me.” even though she turned her head away sharply, Catra still managed to catch a glimpse of Adora’s reaction to the outburst, still saw how her eyes became wide, and although she tried to forget it, she could easily remember the last time she had seen that.

Back then, it had been followed by a punch, an attack and a turned back she had not expected to see but had deserved, but now, all Catra could identify in Adora’s voice as she spoke was pity.

“I know. But…” Adora paused, no doubt to search for anything to cling onto in an attempt at convincing both of them that it had somehow been justified, “we fixed it in the end.”

“Queen Angella—” Catra caught herself halfway through trying to distance them from it, feeling an almost vicious sense of glee as she ripped it away from herself, “Glimmer’s mother died.”

In the silence that followed, Catra knew how she had just brought Adora face to face with what neither of them could deny: the fact that someone had ended up dying to rectify the mistakes Catra had made. However, it still was not enough to make Adora give up just as Catra did not have the strength to push her arm aside as she slung it around her waist, slowly pulling her closer to her, Catra having no choice but to allow herself to turn so that, rather than sitting with her feet solidly planted on the windowsill, her legs were dangling in the air as she let Adora pull her closer to her. It was not a hug, or at least, it was nothing like any of the hugs they had shared in the past, but Catra found herself clinging to the gesture nevertheless, the guilt rising in response to the little purr that rose up from her chest.

“I know,” Adora mumbled, the wind rushing past them threatening to drown out the word, “I know.”

The fact that she did not immediately try to deny it was what allowed Catra to continue, and so, that was exactly what she did. “I never wanted for her to die. I—”

“I know you didn’t, just as I know that Glimmer does; we—”

It would have been so easy to let Adora continue. Catra could already see where that conversation would have gone, how Adora would have reminded her of the apology she had spent ages working on, writing one letter after another before having to admit that she was only doing it to give in to her own fears and instead force herself to go directly to Glimmer to apologise. She had cried, leaving Catra to stand there, unsure about what she should do, if trying to console her would only make it worse given how she was the reason Glimmer was crying in the first place, but then, just as Bow had turned around the corner, Catra finding herself frozen in place as he had rushed to Glimmer’s side offer her a shoulder to lean on, Glimmer had wiped away the tears and told her that she would eventually forgive her. Back then, Catra had been grateful for the fact that she had not tried to tell her that she was forgiven already, but now, sitting with Adora, she knew that trying to explain to her just why it had made her feel lighter than any kind of immediate forgiveness would have was a lost cause, just as she knew better than to allow Adora to head down the wrong road when it came to what she had meant with her confession.

So, even though she could feel how the guilt felt like a heavy stone in her stomach, Catra held up her hand, the gesture silencing Adora in an instant, giving her the few seconds of silence she needed to find the courage to continue. “That was not what I was trying to tell you. Adora, I… I did it to hurt you. All of it, it was always about you, so how…?” she could not bring herself to finish the sentence, already hearing how the sob came to drown out anything she might possibly have said.

For a moment, that was all she could focus on, the feeling of tears stinging in her eyes as she fought a losing battle not to cry, hearing how the tiny sobs grew louder as her shoulders shook, and, in a way, Catra supposed that she preferred that to the alternative of having to look over at Adora and see how she would react to the fact that, at this point, they both had to be aware of the fact that she had been willing to destroy the entire world to get revenge on her. And for what? For leaving the Fright Zone? The life back there felt like it belonged to another person entirely, and as Catra looked back, although she could still recognise the hurt and betrayal of knowing that the moment Adora had learnt about what the citizens of Bright Moon had thought about them, that had come to mean more to her than all the years they had spent at each other’s sides, it was a puzzle to her why she had acted the way she had. Had it not been for Queen Angella, there would not have been a world around them. Catra could only imagine what would have happened then, the feeling of fading out of existence still sitting as a memory under her skin.

“Catra, please, look at me, will you?” that was all Adora said, but it still felt like the silence had shattered around them, lying on the ground in tiny fragments.

It was the last thing Catra wanted to do, but she still found herself doing exactly what Adora asked her to, slowly turning her head away from where she knew Salineas was hidden from sight by the mountain range to instead take in the way Adora was looking at her. The tiny smile was back, as was the fondness in her eyes. They had spent almost every last second of the day together after the fall of the Horde, but still, the last time Catra could recall having seen that exact expression had been in the seconds that had followed her own confession, forcing her to look down at Adora when the thing she had wanted to do more than anything else was to look away and try to push down the feelings again.

It had the same effect on her now, making her sit completely still, feeling like she was as mobile as the statues lining the hallways of the castle, as Adora slowly reached out towards her hand. Catra could not find the energy to look down at it, but she knew that the claws were there, and still, Adora made sure to stroke her thumb over the back of her hand for a moment as she guided it up, lightly placing it against her cheek as she looked over at her.

“I know that. I know that was what you said. But I have to believe—no, you know what.” Adora shook her head, the movement making the hair catch the glow of the moon. “I don’t have to make myself believe anything. Listen, Catra, I know that you remember what I told you back then.”

There was no need for her to answer, not when Catra’s mouth had already gone dry as the memory rang in her ears.

_Now live with it!_

She did indeed remember.

Adora must have seen that much, for she did not hesitate for more than a second before continuing. “You did all of that—I am not going to try to argue that you didn’t, just as I will not try to tell you that it is something I can justify. But you came back from it. You made the decision to turn your life around and began to work to try to restore what you had broken during that time.”

It was all too much. Catra could feel the rough edges of the scar beneath her hand, feel where the skin had yet to heal and where it would most likely never connect the way it had done before, see the way Adora looked over at her. It was more than what she knew how to handle, but with how Adora still held onto her hand, she could not quite make herself pull away, instead settling for shaking her head. “But I still did all of that,” she mumbled, “I nearly destroyed the world and then I—what? Felt sorry and tried to help for a while, and now I am suddenly living inside the castle along with so many of the Rebels? Don’t you see that it doesn’t make any sense for me to be here, Adora?”

She should have realised that, with Adora’s stubbornness, it would be a lost cause to try to convince her of anything, but she had failed to take that into account, so really, the only thing Catra could do was to sit there and watch as Adora shook her head once again.

“No, I really don’t agree with that. I mean, after all, I did the same thing.”

Catra managed to let out a half-hearted chuckle before realising that Adora had not just tried to lighten the mood with a poorly placed joke, that she had meant every word. Feeling how her brows rose, Catra could only look at her in disbelief. “You can’t seriously mean that, right?”

“Why not?” mirroring her expression, Adora cocked her head. “I came here still in my Horde uniform, and, yeah, there was a period of time where they did not trust me, but I was still allowed to stay here, even welcomed after a while. Why should that kind of mercy for their former enemies not also be extended to you?”

The allure of giving in and letting Adora finally pull her into a hug was intense, but Catra still forced herself to move away, to send Adora the sarcastic smile she had perfected while in the Fright Zone. “Well, you were also She-Ra. I would say that it definitely helps people forgive someone to have the knowledge that they are also the fabled warrior who was meant to free them from the Horde.”

Adora frowned. “But none of that was true, at least not in the way we thought it was going to happen back then.”

“No, but they still believed it and that is what counts.” seeing how Adora was once again preparing herself for refuting the claim, Catra let out a sigh, hearing how the truth she had tried to keep to herself left her along with it. “I am scared, okay. Is that what you wanted me to tell you? Did you want to hear that I have nightmares about everything that I did—everything that I did to you,” running her hand along the line the scar formed, Catra could only begin to imagine all the marks her other attacks must have left, “and that I wake up halfway convinced that I have done it again, that it is only a matter of time before it is going to happen again, and I lose control, and—”

Before she was able to finish the sentence, Adora had pulled her towards her, and although she knew what was going to happen, Catra did not try to stop her, instead allowing Adora to pull her into a hug so tight that it felt like she had convinced herself that Catra was going to disappear into thin air if she loosened her hold even a little, tears soon seeping into the nightgown Glimmer had let her borrow as Adora rested her head against her shoulder. The right thing to do would have been to push her away, but sitting there, the only thing Catra could do was to reach out, try to push away the fear, and place the hand Adora was not already clutching on her back, envisioning how she was undoubtedly following the scars that were hidden away underneath the layer of fabric that was the pyjamas she had thrown on.

They could have sat there for ages or for less than a second. Catra really had no way of knowing what was the case. All she could say for certain was that her heart was beating madly in her chest as Adora finally pulled back just enough to let her look up at her.

She looked horrible, her eyes red and puffy and the tears having left a line of salt down her cheeks, and Catra could only assume that anyone who were to look at her would have said the same. Anyone, other than Adora, that was, as she simply held her gaze for another long moment before looking back down at where she was still holding onto her hand.

“I…” Adora shook her head, the tears still streaming down her face, but the determination shining in her eyes as she continued, “I am not going to tell you that everything will be alright immediately. I know that you don’t want to hear that, so I am not going to try to convince you of that. But, Catra, please, I need you to promise me that you trust me when I tell you that I have nothing to fear from you, nothing at all. What happened back then—we both regret it, I know we do. Neither of us wants for any of that to ever happen again; we are safe with each other, and we always will be. Do you trust me when I tell you that?”

She could see it happen, how she would shake her head and the last bit of hope would fade away, the light in Adora’s eyes dimming as she would leave the room, allowing Catra to stay behind. It was what she deserved after everything that had happened, the only thing she could do to try to make up for everything she had done back then, to pull away from the others to at least prevent herself from continuing to destroy their lives, but even though she tried her best to push herself down that path, Catra could not bring herself to go through with it, all muscles in her body tensing as she tried to shake her head at Adora. She could not do it, not when Adora was sitting right there, still holding onto her hand, but with a touch that was so light that Catra knew she was waiting for her to draw her hand away from her and leave her alone. The memories of all the times she had done just that flashed in her mind, all the times Adora had told her that she could join her, at first offering, but soon almost begging her to come back home to Bright Moon with her. The anger had lain as a cloud above it all back then, but now, she could see the pain in Adora’s face as she waited for her answer, and she could not bring herself to be the one to inflict it.

So, although it felt like she was fleeing from her responsibility, Catra found herself nodding. The motion was miniscule, almost non-existent, but Adora still lit up, the smile spreading across her face giving Catra the strength to raise her voice to let it become more than a whisper as she cleared her throat. “I… I will try.”

It was all she could bring herself to promise, but, at least for now, it seemed to be enough, Adora wiping the tears away as she once again threw an arm around her to pull her in for a hug. Only now, rather than crying against her shoulder and letting go a moment later, Adora leant against her side, the lack of air between them allowing Catra to feel how a tiny giggle finally escaped Adora as she looked up to find that Catra was already watching her, the two of them looking at each other for another moment, Catra seeing all that had been left unsaid in Adora’s eyes amidst the giggle.

For once, the motion was not accompanied by guilt as she relaxed slightly, leaning against Adora as well, the two of them sitting there in the window as the sun slowly began to rise in the horizon, painting the sky red, orange, and pink.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! If you want to, you are more than welcome to come find me on [Tumblr](https://reaching-the-stars.tumblr.com/).


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